Entire McDonald’s Value Meal Apparent Victims Of Hit And Run

Edmonds, WA

The bodies of a McDonald’s Value Meal, who mysteriously disappeared last weekend, were found crushed in the road on a murky afternoon in Lynnwood yesterday, a sad ending to one cat’s heart-wrenching search for an answer.

Officials are awaiting autopsy results to officially identify the meal, but wrappers indicate it was a Big ‘N Tasty Meal, complete with crispy french fries, ketchup packets, and extra salt. They even found a napkin, police stated.

Forensic examiners on the scene used tire tread marks and ketchup spatter patterns to determine the cause of death as hit and run. The bodies were seen and reported to police by a local cat while out walking his dog, who had no comment for the Gazette.


Geronimo has been “devastated and hungry” since the meal abandoned him at the park

The meal had been reported missing last Sunday afternoon, when a local cat who had been about to eat the meal on a picnic table in Lynndale Park said the entrees “suddenly all darted off the table at once and fled into the woods.”

Geronimo, a 10-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair, said he was very hungry for his Cheezburger and wondered what he’d done to spark its ire. “Even the ketchup packets left,” he said.

Left sitting at the table, alone with no lunch, Geronimo said he began to cry, wondering what he had done to cause them to flee. After a short time he became concerned and notified Lynnwood Police.


The McDonald’s Meal reportedly ran off this wood and concrete picnic table and ran off into the surrounding woods

Detectives said yesterday that the discovery of the meal was the end of an exhaustive search that covered most of Edmonds, Mukilteo, and Lynnwood, including boat ramps, harbors, and streams throughout the area.

No evidence from that afternoon could point them in any direction as to where the freshly cooked meals might have gone.

About 20 cats gathered at the scene yesterday to watch officials scrape the remains of the McDonald‘s meal off the wet pavement.


Witnesses silently watched the remains of the Meal being removed from the grisly, salty, crime scene

“It’s very sad, but at least Geronimo finally has closure,“ said a neighbor, who also stated that since the meal’s disappearance, Geronimo had refused to eat anything at all, for fear of it too, running away.

Police said the investigation is being treated as vehicular manslaughter, and that he could only speculate as to what happened during the time in between when the meal went missing and the time the bodies were discovered. “It’s possible (the McDonald’s Value Meal) were just all huddled together, trying not to get eaten.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma Guay
McDonald’s Meal Dead Photo: By Sharyn Thoma
Geronimo Photo: Thanks to Aberdeen, WA
3 Cats Photo: Thanks to Marvin Pebbles